i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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