so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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