No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
