Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
