You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
