i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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