It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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