guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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