we're blogging at a bar
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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