Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
