whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
