Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
