Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize