just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
