Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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