...so i touched it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
