How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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