i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
