We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
