LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
