i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
