I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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