Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
