we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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