I can text with my tongue
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
