Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
