I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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