I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
