Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
