I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
