trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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