tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
