He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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