no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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