Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
