so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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