FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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