He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
