pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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