My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
