I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
