so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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