i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
