gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
