You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she looked like the before picture.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
