This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
