I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
zippers are such a cool invention
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize