if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
