Pappa wants mamma naked
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
