after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
