Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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