he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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