somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize