I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
