I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
