I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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