Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
