batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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