am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
