Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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