First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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