I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
