Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
