the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
