Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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