If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
