bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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