The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
