whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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