Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow

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(716): View more from New York

your facebook page is a work of drunk art.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.

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(905): View more from Ontario

something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

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(248): View more from Michigan

He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...

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(513): View more from Ohio

Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science

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