The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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