May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
