i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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