Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
