Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
