Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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