My brain says no but my pants say off.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
